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Finding self love is the first thing you need to do before you can find a lasting, meaningful relationship. I truly believe, with all my heart, that a person will not find their person until they’ve learned how to find self love and become perfectly happy alone. So, here are 5 things I did to find self love:

How To Find Self Love

1) I Got In the Best Shaped I’d Ever Been

When I got down in the dumps, I’d just go on a run. A habit formed, and I was running every day. Then I started lifting weights, so I was lifting about 3 times a week and running every day. I was in the best shape of my life. I had those precious hours to reflect on anything I wanted to and to blow off any steam that had accumulated. This took my mental health leaps and bounds simply in terms of the reflection, but the end result boosted my confidence and self-image. Taking care of your body is one of the most important things you can do for your self love.

2) I Stepped Out of My Comfort Zone and Tried New Things

As a natural introvert, my biggest fear was always going to events and talking to people. I didn’t even know which events to go to, so I just found Meetups around town. Of course, once you’re in the middle of conversation, your initial fears subside, and the people helped me try out new things (mostly more activities, having more conversations with new people). Once you get in the habit, the fear gradually goes away.

3) I Journaled All the Time

I can’t stress how important reflection is to self love. There are plenty of ways to do this, and running was one more for me, but journaling helps you get your thoughts straight. Getting your thoughts out in some organized fashion, allows you to know why you think certain things or certain ways. Journaling helps you take your fears and reservations and make a more informed decision about whether or not they’re justified. You’ll figure out a lot faster that you’re actually a pretty loveable person.

4) I Traveled the World

This is not on the books for everyone, I know, but traveling is number 2, plus number 3, times one-hundred billion. When you’re traveling the world, there are no distractions. You can go months without using the internet or any kind of electronics. You can live in Guatemala or Thailand, focusing on nothing but you, and it will cost you a small fraction of your living cost in a country like the US or the UK. My wife had £12k and a legit plan to make that last 3 years (before I crashed her party ten months in). The time to reflect, by itself, is worth whatever cost you have to pay. In addition to that, you meet new people with totally different lifestyles and things to teach you. You experience new things you never would have dreamt of before. And, you get to see some of the most beautiful places on the planet.

5) I Gave Up Finding My Love

And when I say that, I don’t mean I became hopeless. I mean I stopped trying, because “trying to find love” wasn’t getting me anywhere. As soon as you say you’re focusing on yourself, the right person will come along in the right time. Your job is not to look, it’s to prepare for that moment. That means getting yourself ready. That means loving yourself.

For a while in my early twenties, I was lonely and somewhat depressed. I had tried to find somebody to “complete me” like the movies say you should. At some point, I came around and started focusing on me. Two years of transformation later, and I had learned how to find self love. Only then, did I find my person. The one who would become my life partner. Not the one to “complete me,” but the one to “complete us.”

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