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We attract people only at a common level of emotional health. If you want to find and attract an emotionally healthy, loving life-partner, you need to first become the person of your own dreams. This doesn’t mean you need to have attained some level of perfection that is only known by a handful of people, but it does mean that you need to project exactly what you want to attract.

1) Believe the Right Person is Out There 

First off, call me a crazy non-romantic, but I don’t believe there’s only one single person who is your one single person.

That said, there are some people who are better suited than others to be your one and only, but you don’t just find love-you have to create it. You create love when you yourself are a confident, self-respecting person who can, both physically and emotionally, stand alone. Somewhere along the road, you’ll find another self-respecting person who can also stand alone and together, the two of you do better than either person could before.

There isn’t just one person suited for you lost somewhere in the sea of humanity. There are several who could put in the work with you and create the love you’ve always dreamt of. Replace your reservations with confidence and positivity. Your attitude will ooze, and the right lucky person will naturally be attracted to your presence.

My wife Deborah and I are soulmates, only because we created the love we see in each other and have grown together into a partnership. Before we met, we were soul-searching, creating separately our perfect lives. We were attracted to each other like magnets.

2) Create Your Happy Life 

You can be that magnet only by being happy first.

Many people expect a relationship to bring them happiness. A relationship should bring you happiness, but this said by itself is misleading.
deborah ostmo smilingSmiling is a powerful expression that can and should be used more often. You might feel silly smiling by yourself walking down the street, but it doesn’t look silly. It looks beautiful, and others will feel more invited into your world.

Statistics show that if you smile more and laugh often, you feel better, less stressed, and more approachable. Practicing the art of being happy involves counting your blessings and being appreciative for all you have in life. It will remind you of how blessed you are, rather than making you feel like you’re lacking things.

Quite often people think that if they haven’t attracted their partner, there’s an absence in their lives. You can fill that absence with self-love, and only when you do, will the right person come around.

3) Throw Away Bad Energy and Hurt of Past Relationships 

The great thing about the past is that it’s over. You get to choose to bring it with you or leave it behind. You can use your past to reflect and form negative opinions or you can learn and see it for what it was and decide what you’d do differently.

When you have those negative thoughts about men, would you start projecting all your bad experiences onto a potential match? You might just end something beautiful before it even happens.

If you hear a man say women are needy, clingy, expensive, emotionally unstable, as a self-respecting woman, would you stay with a man who tells himself that? Even if you doesn’t believe it now, he’ll begin believing it and treat you like it in turn.

You’re repelled by that type of behavior and so are men.

Be positive. Learn from the past, but then forget about it. Attract the love of your life by throwing away bad energy and welcoming in the good vibes.

4) Put Yourself Out There

There’s always the one girl (or maybe 4) hiding alone against the wall, maybe waiting to be noticed, maybe not. She sometimes complains that no one comes up to her. Guys want to talk to her, but they can’t. She’s positioned herself in a way that makes it awkward. If someone comes up to her, they’d have their back to the rest of the room. No one wants that.

My wife Deborah made a point to put herself out there. When we first met, she was having conversations with everyone like the social butterfly she is. She opened up her body language like she was available and just having fun. There was a certain glow about her that just oozed her confidence and self-respect. Before we met, as she explained to me, she would put herself into social settings-often alone-and just see what happened. Each conversation was easier than the last and eventually things just happened naturally and organically..or that’s what happened with us. We just talked for hours, which turned into days and eventually months. We were two people who were more afraid of “waiting for something to happen” than we were afraid of taking action.

By putting yourself out there, you conquer fear, gain self confidence. Then everything gets easier. Stop being invisible and waiting for something to happen.

5) Be Present and In the Moment 

This one sounds a bit cliché when said out loud, and it’s not to say you can’t plan for your future, but getting too wrapped up in the past or future, can make you forget to enjoy the present. The perfect partner could walk right into your life and right back out if you forget to enjoy.

Here’s a little story Deborah wrote about me (on Facebook) about the day we first came into contact with each other:

The first time I saw you was at the airport terminal. Our Cancun flight from Mexico City was delayed 7 hours, and you caught my eye from a distance. I couldn’t help but notice how cute and concentrated you were on your laptop. I just kept wondering what is this guy doing on his laptop for 6 hours straight? And what was so important that he didn’t even notice me? I was only a few rows in front of him. Was he ever going to notice? Nope. Not until we were both half way across the country.

Only two days later, pure fate dictated that we would meet again at the same Hostel in some random (small) Mexican town.

Now we work together, building websites, and every time I see this concentrated face I understand why he almost missed his future wife as she walked right passed him.

That moment when you almost let the woman of your dreams pass you by because you were on your laptop!

Deborah and I got a second chance when we met again 2 days later in some hostel in some small town a one-thousand mile flight and two hour bus ride away. But, not everyone is so lucky.

Pay attention to your surroundings. Be present and available, and take advantage of the moment.

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